The Joke Thread

Truly tastseless joke

How do you know when you are at a gay picinic?

The hotdogs taste like crap.

_____________

The difference between oooooooooo and AAAAAAAAAH!?

About 2 inches.

_____________

What did the leper say to the postitute?

Keep the tip.
 
Last edited:
"I'm waiting for the buzzards" good one iniqui

:rofl::beer2:
 
Subject: Cowboy & Indian

While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation.

Cowboy: 'Hey, nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?'

Indian: 'Dog no talk.'

Cowboy: 'Hey dog, how's it going?'

Dog: 'Doin' alright.'

Indian: ( Look of shock )

Cowboy:'Is this Indian your owner?' ( Pointing at the Indian )

Dog: 'Yep.'

Cowboy: 'How does he treat you?'

Dog: 'Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and
takes me to the lake once a week to play.'

Indian: ( Look of disbelief )

Cowboy: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'

Indian: 'Horse no talk.'

Cowboy: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'

Horse: 'Good.'

Indian: ( Extreme look of shock )

Cowboy: 'Is this your owner?' ( Pointing at the Indian )

Horse: 'Yep.'

Cowboy: 'How does he treat you?'

Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me
down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me.'

Indian: ( Complete look of utter amazement )

Cowboy: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'

Indian: 'Sheep liar.'
 
A quickie...

An Irish woman was admitted to hospital after having phone sex.

Doctors removed 2 Nokias, 3 Motorolas and a Samsung.
No Siemen was found .
 
DreamensioN said:
An Irish woman was admitted to hospital after having phone sex.

Doctors removed 2 Nokias, 3 Motorolas and a Samsung.
No Siemen was found .
Click to expand...




LMAO that what i call a mobile phone addict, some pf them vibrates.:lol::lol::lol:
 
:lol::lol::lol:
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband : "Nothing."
Wife : "Nothing.? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."

-------------------------------------------------------------
Wife : "Do you want dinner?"
Husband : "Sure! What are my choices?"
Wife : "Yes and no."

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Stress Reliever Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet."

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing."
Son: "But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
________________________________
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"

_____________________
Girl to her boyfriend: "One kiss and I'll be yours forever."
The guy replies: "Thanks for the early warning."

-------------------------------------------------------------
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor."
 
t4e said:
:lol::lol::lol:
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband : "Nothing."
Wife : "Nothing.? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."

-------------------------------------------------------------
Wife : "Do you want dinner?"
Husband : "Sure! What are my choices?"
Wife : "Yes and no."

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Stress Reliever Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet."

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing."
Son: "But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
________________________________
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"

_____________________
Girl to her boyfriend: "One kiss and I'll be yours forever."
The guy replies: "Thanks for the early warning."

-------------------------------------------------------------
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor."
Click to expand...

the ones i put in bold really crack me up!

:LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO:
 
:lol::lol::lol:


WE MISS RODNEY DANGERFIELD, BECAUSE . . ...

He said .. .

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to
time an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she
won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy
negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home."
I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you
going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself
now."

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when
you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the
roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him,
"Why?"
He said, "Because you came home early"

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the
Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from
Chicago last night.

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of

had anything to play with.
 
Who's your best friend?

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your wife/husband in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you!


:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
​
 
Ah! Rodney Dangerfield:LMAO:

Love his one liners wtg t4e:grinning:
 
I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking
it really scared me

so thats it!

no more reading!
 
magik said:
I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking
it really scared me

so thats it!

no more reading!
Click to expand...
:lolz::lolz:Can't say I don't blame ya about the reading part:)

alcool_28.gif
 
Captain Diego Montoya Garcia, of the Spanish Armada flagship 'Quando' was on the deck one day when his first mate ran up to him and cried 'Captain! There's an enemy ship on the horizon!'
Captain Diego turned a calm eye to his mate and said 'Bring me my red shirt.'
The first mate ran and got the captains red shirt, which he put on.
A fierce battle raged and the Quando was victorious.
After the battle, the first mate asked the captain 'Sir, why do you don a red shirt before battle?'
The captain yawned bravely and said 'If I am wounded in battle, the men will not see me bleeding, and they will be inspired.'
The mate was in awe of his wise captain. Just then, another crewman ran up to the captain and cried 'Captain! There are twenty enemy ships on the horizon!'
The captain turned to his first mate and ordered 'Bring me my brown pants.'

:lol:
 
Magpie said:
Captain Diego Montoya Garcia, of the Spanish Armada flagship 'Quando' was on the deck one day when his first mate ran up to him and cried 'Captain! There's an enemy ship on the horizon!'
Captain Diego turned a calm eye to his mate and said 'Bring me my red shirt.'
The first mate ran and got the captains red shirt, which he put on.
A fierce battle raged and the Quando was victorious.
After the battle, the first mate asked the captain 'Sir, why do you don a red shirt before battle?'
The captain yawned bravely and said 'If I am wounded in battle, the men will not see me bleeding, and they will be inspired.'
The mate was in awe of his wise captain. Just then, another crewman ran up to the captain and cried 'Captain! There are twenty enemy ships on the horizon!'
The captain turned to his first mate and ordered 'Bring me my brown pants.'

:lol:
Click to expand...

:lol::lol::lol:
 
A man runs into a pet shop, puts a bomb on the counter and says "everyone has 1 minute to get out"....The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts "you bastard!!"

A lady and her best friend go on hols to the Caribbean & meet a muscular black guy. After a week of fantastic 3some sex they ask his name. he says "my name is Snow". The ladies start to laugh and he asks "Why you laughing?" The ladies reply "Our husbands will never believe we had 10 inches of snow in the Caribbean!"
 
A Man is driving around the country-side on a sunny afternoon.
As he drives, the man sees a chicken running down to road ahead of him, quite intrigued by how fast this chicken can run, he speeds up to take a look.
Upon reaching the running chicken, the chicken looks, and takes off like a bat out of hell. The man tries to keep up in his car, but at a 120Miles per hour, the chicken out runs the car.
The man can't beleive his eyes, and spots the chicken turn down a farmers driveway.
He has to understand what he saw, so he pulls into the driveway and spots the Farmer.
The man asks the farmer if he saw a Chicken run by at over 120 mile/hour.
The farmer claims "Uh Huh"
The Man's asks, "how is this possible?"
The farmer explains, " We breed 3 legged chickens here for that extra Drumstick.
The man says, "Thats amazing, how do they taste?"
Farmer says, "Don't know, never caught one yet"


:lol:
 
Victoria said:
A lady and her best friend go on hols to the Caribbean & meet a muscular black guy. After a week of fantastic 3some sex they ask his name. he says "my name is Snow". The ladies start to laugh and he asks "Why you laughing?" The ladies reply "Our husbands will never believe we had 10 inches of snow in the Caribbean!"
Click to expand...



genius
:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
 
have you guys heard the latest news from portugal? that they had to close the national library of lisbon?


yeah, real shame... someone stole the book...


:lolz:
 
dfx said:
have you guys heard the latest news from portugal? that they had to close the national library of lisbon?


yeah, real shame... someone stole the book...


:lolz:
Click to expand...



:lol::lol::lol:and was me who stole that:lol:
 
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